What is Burnout?
Burnout occurs when a person has been under a significant amount of stress over a long period. You feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained and unable to meet the constant demands on your time. This not only impacts you emotionally, but can impact you physically, with mental exhaustion.
My Story
I didn’t see the wall coming. I felt it came out of nowhere. I was a strong, hard-working individual who was very resilient. Or so I thought.
I was working operationally within the NHS and working excessive hours, with an immense amount of pressure put on me with little to no support from my superiors. I felt responsible for ensuring patients did not breach their target dates for their appointments. I was supported well by my team beneath me, however. I felt I had little support from my superiors to find solutions due to lack of capacity to bring patients in. My perception was there was an expectation to just make it happen.
In hindsight, I should have looked after myself better and escalated further up, but I felt I was not being heard. The wall hit after a clinical colleague complained because I was chasing for work to be completed as it was overdue. I felt bereft, I was doing my best, but it was a constant uphill struggle of juggling workload, expectations, responsibility for those around me, for our patients and more importantly, for my family, as I was not there mentally or physically for them.
The day I hit the wall I remember seeing my specialist nurse in clinic about my condition. I was poorly with a particularly bad flare of Ulcerative Colitis and got to the stage that it was unmanageable. I cried through the whole appointment. I made the decision I was not fit for work. This was a really tough choice, as I felt I was letting my team and department down.
When I spoke to my GP about it, she said ‘Mechelle, I saw it coming’. I regularly saw my GP for acupuncture as a way to help manage my condition in addition to medication. When she said this to me, I couldn’t understand why I didn’t see it coming. I was too entrenched and fire fighting was the norm of my working day.
The Worst Time and The Best Time
I look back now and think at the time, it was the worst time in my life, but also the best thing that happened to me. I felt unable to function, was particularly poorly physically and mentally, was unable to even have a proper conversation without crying.
However, upon reflection and coming through that period of my time, I thank the person who pushed me over the edge. Ironically, that person ended up burning out as well. We were all on that treadmill, trying to do our best, but just not supported enough to meet the unrealistic expectations required of us.
Support
After a few weeks of being signed off, I realised that I needed not only rest, but help with my mental health. I sought the support of a counsellor. We talked about a range of different things that impacted me. My feelings of taking on the responsibility on my shoulders, my childhood, the workload, what I could do to help myself e.g. taking time out, walks in nature, managing my own wellbeing e.g. doing something for me like having a massage regularly, the expectations I put on myself, my family and the impact of me being poorly on them and me – how could I take more control of the situations I was put in, the feelings of guilt being off sick.
I was off work for 3 months, advised to be off for 6 months. In hindsight, I should have taken more time off, as I was still not as resilient as I could have been.
Learning About Yourself
I have always tried to proactively manage my physical condition, but I didn’t actively manage my mental/emotional condition. Hitting that wall meant I had to face up to a few things. I learned more about myself during this time, than the whole of my life. A positive spin on a very unhappy period of my life.
I learned about what triggered me, to take more importance in self-care, enjoying the simpler things in life like going for walks and nature, I tried to be more mindful to help me become more resilient. More importantly, I decided if I ever started going down this path again, I would stop and take stock. I was going to learn from this event and I did. I left the job and went to work somewhere else.
Going through burnout also meant that I became more empathetic to others and could see others going through the same thing, which meant I could pre-warn them. When you see people not being themselves, being brave to have those conversations can mean a lot. To build relationships built on trust would mean I would be able to support those who had hit that wall or try and pre-warn them that they were not being themselves and to take stock.
I even had a tattoo on my wrist to remind myself to take care of my mental health and physical health, to accept when I was sensing those feelings. I read quite a bit to try and self-help myself and have become an advocate of supporting good mental health.
Time for Me
I have a weekly back massage – sounds nice, but it hurts as I have chronic pain. It helps my body repair itself.
I use Spotify meditative podcasts nearly every night.
I have a new spa bath, which really helps me relax.
I try and laugh as often as I can. When I can’t, I know it’s time to step back.
I still read self-help books – keep things in perspective – nothing is worth going back to that dark place again.
I talk – I talk to my friends, I talk to my colleagues, I keep a check on those around me and they keep a check in on me.
I have regular informal coaching, which helps give me the headspace to get myself in the right place. It also reminds me to not be the problem solver for everyone and be relied on. For me to relinquish control to help develop my team around me.
I pay it forward the help given to me, by mentoring others sharing my experiences.
I try to be kind and do random acts of kindness. I believe it comes back to me two-fold, it makes me feel good and it makes the other person receiving it feel good.
I hope this helps you be more mindful about your mental health.
Checking In on Family/Friends/Colleagues
If you see someone who is not themselves, ask them if they are okay and then ask again. People can be proud about not admitting that they are being overwhelmed and the more we speak about it, the more the effects on mental health will be accepted. Our bodies can only take so much stress and I wouldn’t wish those feelings on anyone.
It’s not just about sharing my story, but being able to signpost. There is support out there and when you need help, sometimes it’s not always available. However, offering a listening ear is sometimes all that is needed, to let someone know they are not on their own and they will come through this. So, talk about it more, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and you may be able to help prevent someone going through the same thing.
I still have times when I feel overwhelmed, but I recognise the signs now. I also have an amazing support network around me where I am checked in on and vice versa. I feel very lucky and I am very mindful to share my story to help others and keep an eye out for those that may be going through a tough time.
#ItsOkNotToBeOK
Supporting Materials
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff)
Andy’s Man Club – A talking group for men
NHS Voluntary Charity Services
Project 5 for Health Care Workers
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