Do you have Imposter Syndrome?
I have and actually several of my colleagues have. Do you and if so, what’s your story?
What is Imposter Syndrome?
The person who evidently is successful, has feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough. They suffer from chronic self-doubt. Even though they may have external proof of their success and competence, this feeling can deeply undermine their confidence in themselves, not necessarily the jobs that they do. Often, people who suffer with Imposter Syndrome are perfectionists.
They often hold themselves back for fear of failure, when they are most probably the ones who would succeed the most. Does this sound familiar to you? It does to me and it makes me feel sad that I could have achieved so much more if I was gentler with myself and took a step back. This came with being coached, having the right support network around me and the experience I have getting older.
Why do people suffer from Imposter Syndrome?
There is research that it is believed that it lies with the labels parents give to members of the family. For example, one child being named ‘the intelligent’ one, another as the ‘sensitive’ one. Also, that it may be that children are identified as more superior to their sibling, or more perfect. This then feeds into the feelings of ‘not good enough’.
I’m not sure I agree with that, my mum always told me I could do anything I wanted to. However, we were from a one parent family, my dad wasn’t around much and I was really the second mum to my two brothers, whilst my mum was out working to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I felt embarrassed that we lived in a council house, however, we were always well clothed and well fed (even if the electric did go sometimes – but even my mum would make that fun with ghost stories around the fire).
So, is it from the parenting or our environment that feeds these feelings?
The feelings of not being able to fail and the pressure you put on yourself, or that you will be found out that you aren’t as good as people around you think you may be. That you feel like a fake, that you may be faking it until you make it? Is this really it though? Or is it that you just don’t want to let anyone down, including yourself?
Or is it luck? I’ve often said that I’ve been lucky to get where I am because of the managers around me. However, those who led me (the good ones and I’ve had a few bad ones), must have seen something in me. I still speak to one of my old bosses from nearly 30 years ago. He said to me ‘I’m proud of what you’ve achieved – ‘one of mine’! Talent will out’. So, is it luck, or is it talent? Myself and another colleague were chosen for a ‘Talent Group’ from another amazing leader, our Sage we used to call him. So, shouldn’t that give me more a sense of not suffering from Imposter Syndrome and being able to take compliments about how well I’ve done?
So how to you reduce the feelings of Imposter Syndrome?
As I’ve got older, this has begun to decrease. Maybe it’s because I am myself now, maybe I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not (or am, however you look at it). Maybe I have started to believe and live my own values and beliefs more and more. I think coaching really got down to the nub of this many years ago. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Trust your gut.
Recognising and Dealing with The Imposter Syndrome
When you start feeling those imposter feelings – check yourself. Be more aware. Challenge yourself with questions – is this feeling real or is that monkey on your shoulder speaking in your ear that are not good enough.
Think about what you are hearing and remind yourself that you don’t know everything, no-one knows everything. That this is normal and you are continually learning.
Talk about it. The more you do, the more you find that other people feel like it too. Actually, it’s rather refreshing when you have these chats that you are not on your own. In fact, you can support each other in calling each other out and keeping it real, reminding each other that you believe in them and actually, what they have done right and what has been successful.
There will be times when you will experience a lack of self-confidence, you may feel out of your depth and self-doubt is an absolutely normal reaction. However, how do we learn? If a baby just starting to toddle falls down, your natural response is ‘upsey daisy, up you get’. Be gentle with yourself, you are allowed to be human.
Note down your successes. Not to give you a big head, but for you to remind yourself how much you have learned, how far you have come, who you have done this with, usually it’s a team effort. I’m sure you will have no problem in telling your team how proud of them you are. Tell yourself that – you are allowed to be proud of yourself. Use this every time you have a wobble. Those around you will remind you too.
Coaching
I have personally been coached around this area. Even though I came across as confident, I was not within myself. As I learned more about myself and my values and beliefs, talking through these, it really helped me to start being at one with myself. I sought out reading materials and challenged myself, as well as surrounded myself with a good support network.
When you do this, you also pay it forward when you have friends and colleagues who suffer with it. We all want to do better, we want to do our best, ensuring we are ‘value for money’ for our employers, but more importantly, that we want to make a difference and we do.
You will continue to learn more about yourself. Be brave, be courageous, be gentle with yourself and most importantly, be yourself!
Please feel free to leave your comments on this issue and how you tackle it and any tips you can share with others.
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Supporting Materials
I am an avid reader of learning more about how we feel as humans, in learning how to be better, in learning how I can support those around me. These are a couple of great books if you want to learn how your mind works, how to learn more about yourself and usually, doing something you’ve worried about doing, isn’t as bad as you think it is.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
What is Imposter Syndrome and how to avoid it
Unmasking Imposter Syndrome – 15 ways to overcome it at work
5 top tips on how to overcome impostor syndrome
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