When we hear the word bullying in the workplace, the image that usually comes to mind is of a manager using their position of authority to mistreat staff. It’s the story that makes the headlines, it’s the version written into most HR policies, and it’s the narrative that shapes how organisations deal with complaints.
But here’s the side of the story that doesn’t get told often enough: managers themselves are being bullied.
I don’t just mean the occasional disagreement, pushback or tension that comes with managing people. I’m talking about managers who find themselves targeted, undermined and accused in ways that leave them feeling powerless. Sometimes this comes from team members resisting accountability. Other times, it’s from above—senior leaders applying pressure, scapegoating or looking for someone to blame when things go wrong.
And the difficult part? When this happens, managers often have very little support. Instead of being backed up, they’re told things like:
- “Maybe you should change your approach.”
- “Don’t escalate it—just leave it alone.”
- Or worse, “It’s probably your management style that’s the problem.”
Suddenly, the manager—the one who’s supposed to be leading, guiding and holding the line—is left feeling like the enemy.
I’ve seen this through my coaching and I’ve lived it myself. Managers who are loyal, hardworking and genuinely care about doing the right thing are finding themselves accused of being bullies, even when all they’re doing is holding staff to account. The toll is heavy.
For me, it was a long, draining investigation that eventually proved I wasn’t a bully. But by that point, the psychological damage had already been done. I remember the sleepless nights, the way stress crept into every corner of my life and the physical exhaustion and physical impact that came with it. The hardest part wasn’t the accusation itself—it was the feeling that the organisation I had been loyal to for years didn’t have my back.
And that’s the piece people don’t see. This doesn’t just affect how you show up at work—it seeps into your health, your family life, your confidence and your sense of integrity. For many managers, it becomes too much, and they step away—not because they’re guilty, but because they can’t keep carrying the weight alone.
The Stories We Don’t Hear
Most of the time, these situations never make it to tribunal. They don’t end in headlines or payouts. They end quietly, with another good manager walking away—damaged, disillusioned and carrying the weight of an experience that has changed them forever.
I think of a manager I know who went through exactly this. She was accused of bullying and it was escalated into a full investigation. Evidence was gathered, witnesses spoken to and in the end, it was clear: she was not a bully. Nothing in the findings suggested her behaviour was inappropriate. In fact, what stood out most was that at no point was she given the chance to talk through her management style or discuss any concerns about her approach. All of her appraisals had good outcomes with her line manager and there were no conversations outside of this to talk about behaviour.
The reality was obvious—her organisation wanted her out. The investigation wasn’t about fairness, it was about process. A box-ticking exercise that left her isolated, scrutinised and stripped of her confidence.
In the end, she left. She found another job, but the scars remained. Her sense of integrity had been shaken, her loyalty to the organisation shattered. Those who knew her best understood she wasn’t the problem. They could see how unfairly she had been treated. But they too felt powerless to step in or change the outcome.
That’s the part that rarely gets spoken about—the human cost of being treated as expendable. The sleepless nights. The stress that follows you home. The reputation you feel has been stained, even when the evidence says otherwise. And it’s happening more often than people realise.
The Human Cost
For managers, being on the receiving end of bullying—or false accusations of bullying—leaves deep marks:
- Burnout from carrying the emotional load alone.
- Self-doubt that undermines their confidence to lead.
- Health issues like stress, anxiety, or physical illness.
- A loss of integrity, when loyalty to their organisation is repaid with silence or suspicion.
And for organisations, the cost is just as high. Not just financially in payouts, but in culture, productivity and reputation. Good managers leave, toxicity takes root and the message spreads: this is not a place that supports its leaders.
The Role of HR: Support or Silence?
One of the hardest truths in all of this is the role that Human Resources often plays. For many managers, HR is the place they expect to turn to for fairness, clarity and support. The reality, however, can feel very different.
Instead of being a neutral, balanced space, HR can sometimes act more like a gatekeeper for the organisation. The priority becomes reducing risk, minimising grievances and “keeping the peace”—even if that means sacrificing the very managers who are trying to uphold standards.
That means:
- Rather than investigating with curiosity, HR may lean toward containing the situation.
- Instead of supporting the manager through the stress of a complaint, they may distance themselves.
- And instead of providing space to talk openly about behaviours and expectations, they may push for the easiest outcome: letting the manager take the fall.
Why? Because in many organisations, protecting the organisation is seen as the HR function’s primary role. The manager becomes collateral damage in the name of avoiding escalation.
But here’s the problem with that: when HR becomes the voice of silence rather than support, it sends a clear message—managers can’t trust the system. And once trust breaks, both ways, the culture begins to crumble.
I’ve seen too many managers feel completely abandoned by HR. They’re left questioning: “If I’m not backed up when I hold someone to account, then what’s the point of trying at all?” That doubt is where disengagement starts and where strong, committed leaders begin to walk away.
What Needs to Change: Putting HR at the Heart of Support
This isn’t about excusing poor management or turning a blind eye to difficult behaviours. It’s about recognising that bullying can happen in any direction—up, down, or sideways—and that Human Resources plays a pivotal role in preventing it. When managers are left unprotected, the whole system suffers.
To create a culture where everyone feels safe, organisations need to:
1. Redefine HR’s role from gatekeeper to protector
Human Resources should be the safe space managers turn to, not the department that inadvertently isolates them. To achieve this, HR must focus on fairness, transparency and genuine support. By acting as a neutral facilitator rather than the organisation’s shield, HR can help managers navigate complaints and conflict without fear of being collateral damage.
- HR should prioritise fairness and transparency over simply containing complaints.
- They must act as a neutral facilitator, not as a shield solely for the organisation.
- Managers must have a trusted space to discuss concerns, behaviours and challenges without fear of being collateral damage.
2. Build manager support networks
Managing people can be lonely, especially when challenges arise or accusations surface. Peer networks, mentoring circles and group support systems give managers a platform to share experiences, exchange advice and learn from one another. These networks help reduce isolation, catch early warning signs and create a culture of shared problem-solving rather than individual struggle.
- Peer networks and mentoring groups help managers share experiences and advice.
- These networks prevent isolation and allow early recognition of systemic issues before they escalate.
3. Train everyone in accountability, respect and conflict resolution
Organisational culture is shaped by knowledge and understanding. When managers and staff alike are trained in accountability, clear expectations and respectful communication, the workplace becomes more predictable, fair and supportive. HR should lead the way in embedding these principles through practical, scenario-based learning and continuous reinforcement.
- Staff and managers alike should understand boundaries, expectations and fair process.
- HR should lead on embedding these principles, so policies are lived in practice—not just written in a handbook.
4. Make wellbeing and integrity a cultural priority
Support shouldn’t just exist for “problem cases.” Wellbeing and integrity need to be a continuous, visible priority at every level. Regular check-ins, stress management resources and leadership behaviours that model respect and fairness signal that the organisation values its people. When managers know their wellbeing is taken seriously, they are better equipped to lead effectively and confidently.
- Regular wellbeing check-ins shouldn’t be reserved for “problem cases.”
- Support for managers under pressure signals that leadership is valued, trusted and protected.
5. Ensure early, open dialogue
When HR acts as the heart of support rather than the hand of containment, organisations retain their best managers, build trust across teams and create workplaces where everyone—leaders and staff alike—can thrive.
- Investigations should give managers a chance to discuss behaviours and expectations before assumptions harden.
- Listening early can prevent escalation and reduce the human cost of unnecessary investigations.
6. Good Practice Ideas
Identifying the problem is only half the battle. To create workplaces where managers feel supported and staff feel respected, organisations need practical, proactive strategies that embed fairness, clarity, and wellbeing into everyday operations. The following ideas are examples of approaches that can help prevent bullying, reduce isolation, and ensure managers and teams alike have the guidance and support they need to thrive.
- Reverse mentoring to break down silos between leaders and staff
- Conflict resolution workshops to manage issues early.
- Manager support groups to reduce isolation.
- Regular wellbeing check-ins for everyone, not just “problem cases.”
- Clear expectations at induction
- Introduce both managers and staff to organisational values, behaviours and responsibilities.
- Set standards around respectful communication, accountability and escalation pathways.
- Outline clearly what support mechanisms exist for both managers and staff.
- 360-degree feedback loops
- Encourage ongoing feedback between managers and teams.
- Ensure feedback is constructive, transparent and linked to development.
- Early intervention coaching
- Offer coaching for managers at the first signs of stress, conflict or challenge.
- Prevent issues escalating into formal complaints.
- Transparent investigation processes
- Make sure managers know what to expect if complaints arise.
- Communicate timelines, roles and support options clearly.
- Culture champions
- Appoint senior leaders and HR advocates to model and reinforce respectful behaviour across teams.
- Scenario-based training
- Use real-life examples in training to illustrate what behaviours are acceptable and what aren’t.
- Include situations where managers may be unfairly accused and how HR can support.
- Exit interviews that actually listen
- Collect insights from departing managers to identify patterns of bullying or systemic issues.
- Use findings to improve processes, not just tick a compliance box.
Final Thought
Bullying isn’t always a manager mistreating staff. Sometimes, it’s the manager who ends up the target—of their team, or of their senior leaders. And when organisations fail to support them, the fallout is huge: on people, on culture and on the organisation itself.
Most managers won’t fight it in court. They’ll simply leave. But in doing so, organisations lose dedicated, capable people—and the silence around this issue continues.
Fairness must cut both ways. Managers need just as much support as the people they lead. Because only then can we create workplaces where everyone feels safe, respected and able to thrive.
Resources for Everyone
Here are some resources to help individuals and organisations build healthier, fairer workplaces:
Guidance & Articles
Books
- The Fear-Free Organization – Paul Brown, Joan Kingsley & Sue Paterson
- Radical Candor – Kim Scott
- The No Asshole Rule – Robert Sutton
- Leaders Eat Last – Simon Sinek
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me.
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