Skyline Coaching

Forgiveness and Freedom: Navigating the Complexities of Letting Go and Moving Forward

This is a blog post about forgiving and letting go, in order to move on with your life

We had family visit us and as most families have, some of us have had differences in our lives. We started talking about forgiving and forgetting and forgiving but not forgetting.

It got me to thinking. What do I do and how does that impact my life?

Upon reflection, when I was younger, I wanted to keep the peace. Mostly I forgave and forgot. With experience, this turns into mistrust when someone has done me wrong. Mistrust does not sit well with my values.

Everyone makes mistakes, so how many times should you give a person the chance to be better? We are all human, nobody is perfect.

Is this naive?

I look back and think about when someone has looked to do me harm personally, for whatever reason. The hurt that I felt, the humiliation, the unjustness of it. Over the years, I have taken the stance that karma would do their work. It isn’t worth the angst of concerning myself or using energy on ‘What ifs’. What has happened, has happened. I’m not going to lie, it took me a while to get to this point when I was personally hurt very badly, I was very poorly both physically and mentally, I had counselling, I took up meditation, I read self-help books, I learned more about myself.

Do I forgive them? Yes, because they knew no better. Do I forget? No, because they made me a better person, even though that time made me ill. They knew no better. I can only wish that they become better people and more compassionate. It helped me be quite clear on expectations and consequences, for myself and those around me.

Karma is a funny thing though isn’t it. If you were treated unfairly, would you wish that on anyone else? I wouldn’t. So, is it better for your soul to forgive and forget? Life happens, how you deal with things that happen to you is down to you, your values, your credibility, your authenticity, your reputation. Most importantly, how you think about yourself. Do you love yourself enough to not hold onto anger etc?

It reminds me of the Disney ‘Frozen’ song ‘Let it go’ and if you don’t, it eats you up and can make you ill and not a nice person to be around.

So next time something not so nice happens, question yourself, is it worth yourself being eaten up with anger, hate and dislike. Rise above it and prove to everyone that you are truly awesome and be kind.

Be kind and forgiving to yourself. None of us are getting out of here alive, so learn and take that learning into living your best life. Remember though that if you do have anger held inside yourself, get rid of it somehow. I remember my counsellor telling me to go out into the woods, get a large stick and hit a tree. I couldn’t do it. It didn’t sit well with my values. So I wrote a letter to those that had wronged me. I obviously didn’t send it, but it was cathartic, it helped me let go.

What are your thoughts? Do you forgive and forget or do you hold a grudge?

How does this impact on you mentally and physically?

Please share your stories – we can learn from each other.

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Embracing Fear and Fulfilling Dreams: A Journey into Starting My Coaching Company

a blog about starting my private coaching company — Photo by Biljana Jovanovic

I was talking to a friend about being overwhelmed with how to market my private coaching company. There is literally so much information out there. What do you read, watch, do?

I actually thought, is it worth it? I have a full-time job, why am I putting myself through this? Then I was reminded why I was doing it.

I’d like to say life has been easy. It isn’t easy for anyone. So, I took a step back. I never thought I’d be on this journey. I, like plenty of others, have had good times and bad times. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I continue to learn. Not just about me but those around me. Where I started, where I am now.

I never thought I’d even contemplate starting my own business. So why the wobble? I’m scared. I’m scared of not understanding enough about marketing, I’m scared at having to put in my first accounts at Companies House and HMRC (I’ve now done this!), I’m scared that it will impact on my family, I’m scared that it’ll impact on my day-to-day job and I’m scared that I will become too busy that I’ll lose my authenticity.

There I’ve said it! I’m not letting that stop me.

I feel better already. There are plenty of people who want me to succeed and will help me. I’ve learned before and I will continue to learn. However, I will not let my fear hold me back. I’ve done that before.

My commitment is to help others, however to look after my own wellbeing as best as I can.

The purpose of me setting up my coaching company was because I know how it can help others to have that headspace, as it helped me. If I get super busy, I know of other coaches who I can signpost to that I trust. I have also met a marketing expert who is authentic who will help me when I ever get to that point.

I’m in no rush. I can take it one step at a time, ask for help when I need it. Not let fear hold me back, but let it drive me. What’s the worst thing that can happen? If it doesn’t work and I don’t continue with the business. Not the end of the world.

Anything worth having doesn’t come easy – work hard but don’t forget to play and laugh hard too. If you want success, you need to put in the time and effort.

I would like to ask the question of you.

What’s your dream?

If you have one, what’s your first step to making it a reality?

Anything is possible, the world is your oyster. Live your best life and try and enjoy every moment you can.

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The Rise of Hybrid Work and the Importance of Self-Care in Remote Workspaces

When Covid Hit – Working from Home!

I started working from home in March 2020 along with hundreds of other staff, with just a laptop at the dining room table. I suspect this resonates with a lot of you. The year that never was!

I live with chronic pain and so I thought working from home would be really beneficial. Which it was, but sitting on a dining room chair for nearly 9 hours a day started to take its toll. I took for granted walking up the corridor, catching up with my colleagues, moving around often which really helped with my pain management.

Hybrid Working

Having a mix of working from home and popping into the office or working onsite has now become normal. For some, there is no option, they have to work onsite, such as clinical staff, retail, transport etc.

However, for a lot of us, hybrid working now seems to be the norm and I suspect it is going to be the case for a very long time, if not permanent. Research has shown that over 70% of working people want a mix of both working from home and being onsite (according to Adecco Group).

What are your feelings on this?

Organisations have seen the benefit of this, not having to purchase/rent real estate for increasing staff numbers, the use of hot desks on a rotational basis, not having to pay so many energy bills, reduction of travel expenses. The flip side though is that some staff members have not been kept in contact with, where they have felt isolated from those onsite.

Those working from home are paying more though, some people don’t have enough room for a ‘home office’, lack of decent WiFi – especially when more than one of you are having to use it all at once for work, childcare issues (especially when their child has been ‘pinged’ by the NHS App and have to self-isolate, whilst still having to be a working mum or dad, carer).

The other side of it is that reduced time to travel to work, you get this time back for your home life, or you carry on working because ‘it’ll just take a minute or so more’. There is an element of flexibility. You can be home for that delivery now and not take off valuable annual/holiday leave.

Set Up for Working from Home

My world changed when I got my office chair home. Oh my word, I didn’t realise what a difference having a proper chair made to my wellbeing.

Then came the extra screens, a proper keyboard and a mouse. However, I was still set up on the dining room table. The table was still really too high.

I also found that I was working longer and taking less breaks, which meant I wasn’t moving around enough and this impacted my pain management. The feeling of guilt that I had, with colleagues on the front line in the NHS and I was happily tucked up at home.

Do those feelings sound familiar to any of you?

As a team, we set up a coffee hour once a week that we caught up at virtually. This was a place where we didn’t talk shop. We talked music, films, hobbies, what we were doing the weekend, a bit of laugher to bring us together. We also did virtual quiz nights to keep us sociable. Great fun!

Quite a few of the team though really missed the face to face contact and so we made our onsite office ‘Covid safe’ with a maximum of 5 of us in at once. We now rota into work onsite each week.

Things have changed at home too, with me moving into our spare room (I’m very lucky) and now have a proper workplace set up. This is more comfortable, but also, the kit isn’t in my face every evening when it was originally set up on the dining room table. I can close the door on it each evening.

Self-Care

Even though I can close the door on it at home, I have found I don’t take so many breaks, meetings are back to back, I don’t move around so much and sometimes work longer than I should.

I’m also more tired, as concentrating so much on video calls. I think this will resonate with many of you too.

So what do we do to help our own self-care?

Get ready as if you are going to work onsite, get dressed and look presentable.

Taking regular breaks – don’t feel guilty. This includes lunch breaks.

Take a walk at lunch time – I started off well and let it slip. Now I’m back on it again.

Have team virtual get togethers – it’s okay to laugh and joke, it’s important for team building.

Pencil out Friday afternoons if you can, to catch up on those emails and finish the week on a high – I borrowed and passed this on from a colleague and it’s a really good feeling having that time to have a bit of headspace at the end of the week.

Connect with others virtually – pick up the virtual phone and have a video call with someone – don’t leave everything to email. Check in on your team mates.

It’s okay not to be okay. Be honest if you are not yourself. Working from home can be isolating.

Please share what you do for your own self care, it may help others.

The New Normal

We have had to adapt so quickly and some of us have had a few wobbles, but we have supported each other amazingly. We have even celebrated birthdays virtually and a lot of thought has gone into trying to make these unique and special for the person receiving their ‘virtual’ birthday card or ‘virtual’ party.

So is hybrid working here to stay? What do you think?

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Plymouth Together 💚

On 12^th August 2021, my husband and I were celebrating our 21^st Wedding Anniversary in a restaurant in Exeter, a night away from Plymouth as a treat. We weren’t able to celebrate our 20^th as we wanted due to Covid lockdown last year.

Whilst finishing our meal, I was then contacted by a colleague who told us that there had been a shooting in Plymouth, with fatalities. What enfolded during that evening shook the city and will continue to do so for a long time.

We live in a beautiful part of the world, a city made up of communities that help each other. We don’t expect to have anything like this happen here.

A man went on a rampage, shooting his mum and 6 other people, including a 3 year old little girl and her dad, before turning the gun on himself. Two people survived.

There are really no words to understand why someone would do this. His mental health has been called into question, groups he was part of, his views on women, why he had a gun in the first place. So many questions a lot of us will never know the answers to.

Everyone involved will have their lives changed forever, even those not directly involved. The residents in Keyham and the whole of Plymouth, the emergency services, the police, the ambulance services, first aiders, the air ambulances, the hospital staff, the families and friends and their neighbours. Our thoughts are with them all.

What has followed in the coming days is a sheer amount of kindness and support being given from the people of Plymouth to others and from other cities across the UK. From offering to do shopping for the residents in that area, offering comfort to each other, fundraising for the families involved, events cancelled as a sign of respect. Ours heart goes out to every single one of them.

The city is subdued as we all look at ourselves, our families, keeping them close and sending our heartfelt love to them all.

Look after each other, tell your loved ones you love them and hug them that bit tighter and if you need help, reach out, talk, talk to each other, contact organisations which specialise in this. My door is always open.

We will never forget – Plymouth Stand Together 💚

Where to get help and support

There are a number of 24-hour helplines if you need to speak to someone for support, advice or help.

We’ve listed some of them below;

SHOUT (85258) is a 24/7 UK crisis text service available for times when people feel they need immediate support.

By texting ‘SHOUT’ to ‘85258’ a Texter will be put in touch with a trained Crisis Volunteer (CV) who will chat to them using trained techniques via text. To get help or find out more about how Shout works, visit the Get Help page.

Victim Support is an independent charity dedicated to supporting victims of crime and traumatic incidents in England and Wales.

If you want to speak to someone now, call the free 24/7 Supportline – 08 08 16 89 111 or start a live chat.

Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.

Livewell Southwest provides integrated health and social care services for people across Plymouth and other parts of the region.

You can call the helpline on 0800 923 9323, which is the Livewell’s First Response Service. It is available to contact 24/7 by calling 0800 923 9323.

Livewell also run Chathealth, a text service used by health visitors and school nurses to support families and young people.

The service is available Monday to Friday 9am – 5pm, excluding bank holidays. During out–of–hours, anyone who texts the service will receive an automated message with advice on where to get help if their question is urgent.

Livewell ChatHealth 0-5 years Parents Service – 07480 635188
Livewell ChatHealth 5-10 years Parents Service – 07480 635189
Livewell ChatHealth 11-19 years Young Peoples Service – 07480 635198

Andy’s Man Club now has four groups across Devon (Plymouth, Newton Abbot, Torbay, Exeter). It provides men with a safe, non-judgemental, confidential place to chat and get stuff off your chest. To gain access during lockdown, any man over 18 can email info@andysmanclub.co.uk.

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